This article was taken from the satire blog "The Babylon Bee"
HOUSTON, TX—While preaching a
sermon entitled “Claiming Your Comfort Zone,” Pastor Joel Osteen made a diving
save from Lakewood Church’s stage Sunday to prevent a man in the front row from
opening his Bible and checking the validity of the popular pastor’s words,
sources confirmed.
The incident reportedly occurred
after Osteen made a claim from the pulpit that the power to speak prosperity
into existence is “inside each one of us,” causing a visitor in the front row
to furrow his brow and begin leafing through his Bible to find any kind of
proof for Osteen’s claims.
The televangelist’s ears
perked up at the unfamiliar sound, and he sprang into action, shouting
“NOOOOOOOOO!” and making an amazing twenty-foot-long dive into the crowd before
snatching the Bible out of the man’s hands at the last possible moment,
according to witnesses.
The crowd immediately broke out
into applause at the amazing feat, but Osteen merely smiled and pointed upward,
giving glory to God for the breathtaking play.
“Prosperity gospel preachers
practice this kind of stuff over and over again in seminary, but being able to
keep your head on your shoulders in a live sermon situation is something
different entirely,” one commentator said. “Osteen’s a pro.”
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